RuthTay’s Weblog

Depending on who we are, what we have experienced, we all measure worth differently. Why do we even consider what’s worthwhile or not? Maybe it’s an innate quality found within everyone human being to make a value judgment before we decide if something is important or not important.

2 mites given by an old widow was worth it. An expensive perfume poured out on Jesus’ feet was worth every drop. What’s worth to Jesus was a waste to Judas, who thought that the perfume could be sold and money be given to the poor. So, depending on who we are and how we place values on things and/or people, it becomes valuable to us. Judas may be right but he missed the whole point of extravagant worship, sacrifice and devotion. What can 2 mites do? Nothing much but when it came from a poor old widow, it meant the world to Jesus who said that she gave out of lack and not what she had and hence revealing her heart of giving. The rest gave out of their abundance.

It’s strange how 2 mites can teach us a lesson about sacrifice. Lord show me what’s worth.

Waking up at 2am in the morning, thinking of the people who are not exactly happy but angry, hurt and experiencing a full range of emotions. I wonder, how will this come to an end. Nobody knows. I feel for them, yet saying anything more to them might make me sound phoney – to them.

So God allowed all these? Sometimes it’s very hard to accept that God allowed unhappy things to happen in our lives. Did God allow the whole family to die on the north south highway, preserving on the the little 2 month old baby? Did God allow children to be borned premature and they have to feed through a tube and with many other tubes attached to his/her body to ensure that he/she lives? Did God allow a Christian, whose son had to suffer fom cancer and the effects of chemotherapy at a young and tender age? Did God allow things to turn nasty and for matters to escalate that some people might leave church and question, where is the love?

One side wish the other gave facts, the other side wish they gave grace. So when does it all end? Some ‘casualties’ and damage done, can all these be reversible? Can I see that smile again.

 I wondered if we have made God the ’scapegoat’ by saying that He allowed all these things to happen. If God allows it, did he permit it and if he permit it, did he approve it? Absolutely not. God allowed it because God couldn’t stop man or stop him from making his choice? This will be the view of those who do not believe in God. Not my view because I know how to explain it – theologically. Sovereignty of God vs Free will. Widely debated but no conclusion – as usual.

God allowed it.  What does this statement means? It can mean a thousand things. I hope it’s not for us man to find a way out of our behaviour. When it’s time for us to take responsibility, we have to. God allowed it because he doesn’t have a choice over our choice? ? ? God I don’t want to be rude but I just need to see some cohesiveness with what I think and what I feel. It seemed grossly inconsistent.

Why am I so bothered by those on the otherside? I just feel for them but my mind tells me what I should think. It’s always this feel and think tension within me. I just pray that God’s grace, love and will reign over our emotions. He is still in charge finally. God what do u say?

Why do I feel that my idea is often ‘thrown back’? A question of timing? A question of significance? Who decides what is the best timing, who decides what is significant? The same words can be used by everybody but the meaning applied can be very different.

For me my idea differs greatly. How can 2 hours of celebration, lose its significance? What is considered long drawn? The time or the content of the celebration. It’s getting harder for me to get through without putting up a ‘resistance’. Maybe I am sensitive, just maybe. If the situation is well planned I don’t think the significance will be overly long drawn – again it boils down to perspectives, how you see it.

If a person micromanages… what does it tell me of the person? Control?

Praise You in This Storm (casting crown)
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it’s still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I’ll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can’t find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

i wonder how he felt when his brothers plot to throw him into the pit

i wonder how he felt when his brothers were negotiating with the slave traders a price to buy him

i wonder how he felt when the voices of his brothers fade away into the distance

i wonder how he felt when he became a slave in a foreign land

I have been missing in action for quite a while. Thought it would be good to post something for the new year. I was very touched by someone who said that he has decided to tell his boss that he should stop travelling so much so that he could focus and realign his priorities. All along I felt that he should but somehow I felt that he should go through the experience of travelling weekly and let God speak, while I say occassional short prayers for him.

I am glad to know that God is always at work in lives. Sometimes I just find it so hard to shake of the dust of the past. If someone is no good, I need to quickly offer immediate solution or have a ready rescue plan to talk him or her out of his nonsense. I am learning that every person has his own journey to tread on. My good intentions in offering my opinions may hijack his journey of experiencing God on His own. I am learning to be secure that God cares and God alone knows His sheep. I must pray and trust that God knows what He is doing and pray that the person will respond to Him in due time after he or she has gone through the mountains and the valleys with God alone.

Space is so much needed because space make the journey real. In those spans of space time, we can go either side and that’s when the gold is being refined. Space is so much needed because space make the journey real. In those spans of space time, we can go either side and that’s when the gold is being refined. 

You make me strong, a song that speaks of God being with me the year of 2007.

You make me strong by Ruth Tay 

When I am helpless and all my strength is gone

I’ll wait on You Jesus and I will know Your peace

When I am faced with life’s uncertainties

I’ll trust in You Jesus

You’ll never abandon me

Chorus:

You make me strong

When I am weak

I call on Your name Lord

And You comfort me

You make me strong

When I am weak

Help me to believe

That You have the best for me

Bridge

You have never given up on me

No matter how many times I had failed

You will run to me with open arms

To embrace me with Your love…

As I was recalling my past, how different people made a difference in my life. I could think of some names and people who had encouraged me and cheered me on in my journey. Here are some of them, not in order of importance.

Jaime Ng – She was the person who did follow up with me. I remembered there were times I was naughty, did not want to go for service, sat outside church. She was the one who often patiently persuaded me. If she had not persisted, I might have dropped out of the race. In my infancy stage as a christian, she nurtured me. I remembered asking her why Jesus said this, “Not everyone who calls me Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven…” As a new christian, I was often touched by God’s word and each time I respond to the altar call, Jaime would be there, to pray with me and lend me a hand. Thanks Jaime

Jordon Lee – He was my group leader in my first ever youth camp. My sister had persuaded me to attend the camp. It was he who shared with me that it is easy to walk closely with God in the camp because we spend so much time with Him. The real test will come when we get out of the camp, when the storms come that I need to fix my eyes on Jesus and not waver. Thanks Jordon.

Brandon Teo – the cell group leader of Shammah. He was the one who always kept an eye on me. I had problems fitting into the cell group because I was mainly mandarin speaking and I couldn’t click with the rest of the folks in church. He told me to attend, try it out and see what happens. I took his advise, tried attending the cell group and “tada” – I stayed on. He was also the one who challenge me to play guitar and always encouraging me to do better. Thanks Brandon.

Justin Koh - He was one I looked up to a lot. To me he is my model. I recall that often in service, he would kneel before God to worship. He was one who demonstrated great spirituality not to impress but an overflow of what he felt truly in his heart. He told me at a camp that persistent prayer is like hitting hard against a brickwall. The first blow is not enough. The first blow can only crack the wall but not strong enough to demolish it, the brickwall must be dealt by many blows before it can crash. Persistent prayer is to keep hitting against the target and not give up until the brickwall is levelled to the ground. Thanks Justin wherever you are.

There are many but these are the 4 whom I could recall without any effort the things they said that made a difference to my walk with God at my infancy stage as a Christian. I pray for God’s will to be done in their lives and that they may live in His bountiful blessings.